So I'm 25 years old now. It feels pretty much the same as 24, which felt much the same as 23, but now thinking about things like "is this really the right path for me?" and "what are my next steps supposed to be?" are far more serious issues than they were a few years ago.
This is my first birthday as an adult where I haven't really had anyone close to celebrate it with, so even though I've been at work all day and surrounded by people I enjoy the company of, it just wasn't the same. I have this overwhelming sense of melancholy and I can't quite put my finger on exactly what's causing it.
I've been in Cardiff for just over eighteen months now, and since the split with my significant other I've been trying to use my time to meet new people, build friendship circles and move forward with my freelance work. To some degree, it's been fairly fruitful in the sense I've met lovely bunch of people and have started to form some great friendships. It has however been difficult to strike up the balance between social life and work life, and recently it's all becoming a little bit too much. I can feel myself beginning to burn out.
I moved down for one reason and that reason is no longer valid, but I've been having a real good go of making something of myself in Cardiff. I mean, I'm miles away from everything that I've known and while I do miss my friends and family, I don't think my life is in Birmingham anymore. Honestly though, unlike my ex-boyfriend who is surely going to spend the rest of his life in this city, I on the other hand (as much as I love the 'Diff) can't see myself being here for much longer than another year.
I've been in my current job for just over a year now, which is something else I wasn't expecting to happen. While I love everyone there, I did think that I'd be in a position to move on by now, lord knows I could do with something more challenging and creative, and a little extra in the bank each month would be a welcome bonus.
I could really do with a holiday too, even it it just means a week away from the day job for some time to recuperate...
Saturday 3rd September
Let's look at the positives though; I've made some new friends, got closer to existing ones, got to know the people of Printhaus better and feel more integrated in the community, got a few wedding commissions, travelled to new places, pulled in a club and various other exciting things I never thought I'd do.
I'd like to affectionately refer to this period as my Dead Cat Bounce (a temporary recovery after a substantial fall, it's actually a financial term. It's a real thing honestly, Google it) but less of a temporary thing, more the start of an uphill climb towards something better.
When I started writing this post on my birthday (September 1st) I was quite down and a little uncomfortable in myself, but today as I write I feel much better. There are certain factors that keep me going, like Printhaus, that give me focus and a drive to succeed. I've got commissions to be working on, Christmas cards to be designing! I can't let these feelings bog me down forever or I'd get nothing done! I have a plan for the next 10 years and I'm sure as hell going to see it through. Like I said at the beginning though, I'm not sure what my next steps are, but every situation and opportunity is like a stepping stone; some have a level of uncertainty and will wobble when you stand on them, while others will be small but solid, sturdy. Some will even be large enough for me to stop and see where I'm going and where I've come from.
I didn't want this blog to turn into a space where I vent. I wanted it to be a place where I talk about work and the things that influence it, but I think this actually is somewhat relevant. Yes, there are tangents but it's all part natural flow of things, like any good conversation.
The next post will hopefully be about the new stuff that I'm working on, but for now at least I'm being more proactive with the blog like I said I would back in the new year.
